Yesteryear feels like yesterday

The loss seems as deep as it was a year ago. The sole strong pillar is no longer around.

She ensured that I always had enough food and money. When my mother was travelling and not around for me, she would come by and stay with me to ensure that I always had enough. She was my alarm clock, and always checking in on me. As I was growing up, I was always running and rushing around. I just could not be still. As such, I always got into falls - legs were just way too fast before my eyes caught up. Always reprimanded for falling, I would be very discreet and endeavour to hide my injuries at all cost (no matter how painful and deep they were). But she was far too observant and sharp. Nothing missed her eyes at all She was the first to show love and concern. She was constantly nagging me to slow down and not be in an endless hurry. Even as I was busy with work and out during the weekends, she would always asked and ensured that I was okay. Oh well, she had indeed lived a long life of 95 years!

Time just flew by so quickly.. Yesteryear still feels like yesterday.

Some say, "Time heals all wounds". But It is as if these well-meaning people are saying: “Just sit back and in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling. They’ll fade away, and you’ll be fine.”

You can rationalise as much as you want. But the feeling still lingers on.

It is tough, difficult, and trying at all sides.

Sometimes I wonder if life can be easier and more smooth-sailing. Yes, challenges and hardships build our character and make us stronger. But is there really a need for this? What is the ideal life? How does the ideal world look like? Why is there such a huge gap between the reality and the ideals?

Questions that sometimes do not get answered. Why does one have to die? If God is the creator of heaven and earth. Why can't he just remove pain, suffering, death from the equation? Why does God take away a life. Yes, he or she may be in heaven, taken to be with God. But taking our dear ones away from us, seriously?

We might have answers in our heads. But at times they just do not sink into our hearts. Our hearts need constant renewal of love and we need to be reminded of our reason for existence.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance"

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

At the end of the day, for what is your life? It is like a vapour, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.

We are all trying to live in hope, trying to convince ourselves that tomorrow would be better.

But will that tomorrow really get better?

It does if we do something about it.

We can occupy ourselves with busyness and other distractions, but our emotions will be kept idle and at status quo if we not process them. Denial and isolation can be temporary painkillers, but not that helpful in the long haul.

Oh well, just One Day - there will be no tears, no pain, no death, no mourning, nor crying.

Accept, share your feelings, and remember the good old memories.

Live well - Live beyond yourself and treasure those around you.

So here goes, this is for grandma!